Three Ways Mike McDaniel Can Win Miami Over Before Ever Coaching A Game

Mike McDaniel is the new head coach for The Miami Dolphins. Like most new coach hires, he brings a bagful of hope and excitement with him. Much like Brian Flores, Adam Gase and every head coach hired before him, the expectations of the fan base are elevated with the hope that THIS coach, will finally be THE coach. So what can McDaniel do to help make the fan’s dream a reality? Here are three things McDaniel can do to win Miami over, before ever coaching a game:

Bring The Logo Back

The most success The Miami Dolphins have had was under the legacy logo. Five Super Bowl appearances, two Super Bowl victories, an undefeated season and the GOAT quarterback. Once we changed to the Cartoon Network logo of the late 90’s, and then the cruise ship watermark that is the current one, the franchise has devolved at almost the same exact rate.

Don’t believe me? From 1966 to 1996, The Miami Dolphins had three logos (the original and two minor variations). The team went 287-180-4. That’s good for a .611 winning percentage, or an average of 10 wins per season.

Once Jimmy Johnson decided to cartoonify the logo in 1996, the team went 127-129 (.496 winning percentage) until they retired it in 2012. They dipped from over 10 wins per season on average with the original versions of the logo, to just under eight wins per with this one.

And since 2012, when they made the radical change to the current logo and uniform combos, the team has sunk even lower, totaling 50 wins over 62 losses for a winning percentage of .442 or just about seven wins per season.

So fuck it, let’s reverse the curse and run it back to the glory days, shall we? Give us that awkward dolphin that sorta looks like a sardine, jumping through what we assume is the sun. Slap the helmet back on that odd looking mammal drawing and make sure everyone can see the stupid fuckin’ M on it too! Then have Mike McDaniel walk out during his first press conference rocking the classic logo. Inevitably when some dumb reporter finally gets around to asking about why he is wearing the throwback logo instead of the “current” one, have McDaniel respond the way Tony Stark did when he revealed that he was Iron Man, “Oh this? This is the logo now. Next question.”

Embrace The Quarterback

Dolphins coaches have a horrendous track record of commiting to and endorsing their starting quarterback in recent years. The last head coach to fully commit to his QB was Dave Wannstedt who did everything but carry Jai Fiedler on to the field. Since then, The Dolphins head coaches and quarterbacks have been socially distanced from eahc other like one or the other was patient zero for Covid-19.

Joe Philbin tried to trade his quarterback.

Dan Campbell couldn’t even spell quarterback.

Adam Gase refused to make eye contact with his quarterbacks

And Brian Flores seemed to outright fucking HATE his quarterback.

Mike McDaniel can change all of that with a Thanos-like snap of his fingers.

In his first press conference as The Head Coach of The Miami Dolphins, before any dumbass reporter even has a chance to ask about the QB situation, Mike McDaniel should walk right up to the podium, lower the microphone down to his mouth so as to not be unheard, and clearly state that “Tua Tagovailoa is the starting QB for The Miami Dolphins. There is no competition and we will not be pursuiing any trades for any other starting quarterback. Furthermore, if you choose to pursue that line of questioning in the future, I will simply spit 2 Live Crew and Trick Daddy lyrics into the mic and drown you out.”

Squash any and all rumormongering right from the get go. Give Tua the confidence he has never been shown by a head coach since he came into the league and sit next to him on the plane when you fly to the Super Bowl in 2023.

Restore The Honor

A lot of talk has already surrounded the staff that Mike McDaniel will be putting together. The first time head coach has quite the large contact list, having coached in the league for 15 years and worked with hundreds of assistants, coordinators and head coaches. It is important that he assembles the best staff he can through that network, and perhaps expand that network at the same time.

Which is why McDaniel should bring back former Dolphins players as part of his staff. Who better for Jaelen Phillips to learn from than Cam Wake? Sam Madison is already coaching with Kansas City, why not see if we can intercept someone from Andy Reid’s coaching tree and bring him home to South Florida?

Does anyone think our wide receivers couldn’t benefit from Wes Welker following McDaniel back to Miami? Or that OJ McDuffie, couldn’t throw on his old Pro Player gear and show these guys how to run a proper route or two?

Some rookie linemen is pussy-footing around during warm-ups? Say hello to Coach Jake Long, you asshole. Now start running before the former number one overall pick and four-time Pro Bowl Left Tackle gives you an atomic wedgie.

And shit, maybe, if the current crop of players don’t work out or get injured, we can always ask Coach Ronnie Brown or Assistant Head Coach Yeremiah Bell to suit up and get the job done.

All while wearing those sweet, sweet throwbacks.


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  1. I wish the Dolphins the best of luck. I will never be a Dolphins fan again because of their lack of commitment to winning. Same sad shit every year. And then blame the coach and fire him. This is the sad bullshit that pushes fans away.

  2. Sad fact is that since their Super Bowl glory years, Miami has been an abysmal playoff team. Even with their classic logo. Between 74 and 96 they went to the playoffs 12 times, including 9 division titles, and went to only 2 Super Bowls, both losses.

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