The following players were cut today to get the roster to 53. Imagine if you are a football player and aren’t good enough to make a team like the Miami Dolphins…ouch:

Players in bold, commentary in (parenthesis)

CUTS:

OL Sam Young (Great first name, bad player)

CB Chimdi Chekwa (ChekWHY was this a surprise to anyone?)

DT  Chris Jones (The Dolphins have an article on their front page talking about Chris’ plans this weekend…uhm…)

LB Rashaan Melvin (Well…bye)

TE Dominique Jones (Well…bye #2)

S Shamiel Gary (had some big hits, but got burned against actual NFLers last year)

DT DeAndre Coleman (Seems like a guy the Falcons would pick up. Very Falconish name)

DE Cleyon Laing (First Rocky beats up his brother, and now THIS)

RB Daniel Thomas (HOORAY!)

DE Jordan Williams ( I feel like this is the stapler guy from Office Space. We forgot to fire him months ago, so he just kept showing up)

LB Tyler Gray (I really should have watched the 4th quarter of these preseason games. WHO IS THIS!?!?!)

OL Jamil Douglas (1/3 of the unholy triad on the offensive line is finally jettisoned)

WR Rashawn Scott (Seems like a Bengals type of player. Probably comes back and murders us dead for them in week 4)

DE Cedric Reed (More like DEAD-ric Reed, amirite?)

OL Ulrick John (Good. I kept calling him John Ulrick on the podcast, anyway)

TE Thomas Duarte (Farewell, Asian guy with Mexican name)

CB Lafayette Pitts (Best name on the team. Well, FORMERLY on the team…)

QB Zac Dysert (He tried to throw an idea out on why he should stay, but it was intercepted)

LB James Burgess (You know you are bad when you can’t make THIS linebacking corps)

LB James Michael-Johnson (See above)

CB A.J. Hendy (Along with Pitts, the tip drill combo from week one in preseason is gone)

Here at Perfectville, we wish all of these players the best in their future endeavors. Unless they sign with The Patriots…then fuck ’em.